What I've Learned So Far

by Hope

Hi all, Sorry, but July was a busy month for me. All is well in my small world with Aqua. I realized back in June that I was doing all the initiating of contact and he was simply responding. Sometimes he responded a lot, and sometimes just one or two lines. Sometimes I got no response at all for several days.

In July I got really busy and did not have time for our routine video chats. He began contacting me, sometimes several times per day. We wound up having a healthy discussion about our time and expectations regarding communication. It got dicey for a while, but I am glad that we both cared enough to see the conversation through, despite hurt feelings on both sides.

The best part is, even though his communication style still runs hot and cold, I love that we can talk about anything because we developed a new level of trust that night.

Even though he still has a quirky (hot and cold) style of communication, there is no doubt in my mind about how he feels about me. We were able to talk directly about that – although I sense it is not a good idea to bring his honestly and openness up again for a while. I think I understand him a lot more after all that.

He will be here next week, and I am feeling much more comfortable about that. I have lots of fun things planned.
It is hard to advice others about what they should do, as I do understand the roller coaster emotion, need for communication about the status of the relationship, and the confusion and frustration when the simply stop communicating for extended periods. I do believe that behavior needs to be confronted—gently at first, but it is important to speak up. I think the reason we do not is that we don’t think we have that right in new relationships.

We cannot expect consistent contact-as I now understand my aqua spends his free time. He sucks up knowledge like a sponge (via radio, newspapers, and online sites), is part so many civic groups, and writes a newspaper column.

I didn’t know that until July. His quest for knowledge and desire to make the world better are a huge part I what I find so fascinating and admirable. Of course, none of us wants to change those qualities in our Aquas; however, they need to tell us what we can expect in the way of consistent contact so we don’t get frustrated and give up.

August 8, 2010