Scorpio male childish behaviour

by Buggly
(England)

I have worked with a professional (consultant) on a complex project for 2 and half years. I am his client. Both of us are married. I have however experienced some difficulties with this person. Several attempts to get me to go for a meal, intense staring at a work event (noticed by colleagues), cutting remarks, apparent jealousy/competition towards another work collegue, phone calls to check I was alright etc.

As I work freelance and he has considerable contacts in my field of work I finally agreed, after some 8 months(and advice from mutual colleagues) to meet for a meal. It was very civilised however I felt that I was the entertainment and an experience not to repeat. This followed another work event where he behaved very courteously and respectful towards me.

Some 2-3 months went by with just day to day work matters when he then asked me to meet to run through some key legal issues. I rearranged my diary to ensure that I could meet before going on leave. I found the meeting superfluous. He also suggested he could get me a job (subsequently I declined to pursue). Since then there has been an increased intensity which has become almost unmanageble for me with mind games - agreeing to undertake work and then going for weeks before completing the task, not responding to my work emails for days, working behind the scenes to get me to work events (seminars, parties etc), following me into empty rooms and shutting the door... Each time I have acted as I would with other consultants or got myself quickly out of the potential situation...Despite this I started thinking I was going mad/neurotic. He is highly intelligent, powerful and successful. He is also very clever with his use of written language.

When I do attend events (with work colleagues) he remains close by watching intensely my every move and verbally attacks me/sulks if I do not pay him attention. Remember I am his client. The last incident, about 6 weeks ago at a seminar, I gave him a warning look when he bounded across the room, like tigger, to greet me in front of colleagues. His response was to verbally attack me in front of attendees (he was chairing) followed by monosyllable emails later that day ("Nope", "Yep" ("not after this morning")) copied to other consultants.

I sent him an email explaining that I felt his behaviour to me inappropriate followed by a request for him to phone me which he did very quickly. I explained that this "thing" between us (he denied there was) was causing me problems and was being picked up by collegues (it had been commented on). He was dismissive of my concerns. I warned him not to compromise me as I could lose my job I then firmly terminated the call. Tempers had risen during the telephone conversation with the mixture of his unbelievable denials and my unwillingness to put up with any more of his games. Through his responses he admitted to the situation. Not surprisingly I found the phone call, afterwards, deeply shocking mainly because of his male chauvinistic arrogance. I have never experienced behaviour this extreme before.

I am a fiercely independent, strong willed Sun in Virgo, Moon in Leo woman with a loathing of controlling, jealous, possessive men (probably because I like to be in control). I am gregarious, stylish, attractive and confident around men having worked for all of my working life in senior roles in a male dominated industry (construction). Interestingly this person works not in construction but law.

After a period of tricky work related emails which I would check carefully before forwarding on he volunteered to attend a meeting to assist me. I, during this whole period, remained upbeat, postive and got on with my work relieved that "issue" had apparently now gone away. He phoned me in advance of the meeting to discuss the issues. Although he was tentative I was upbeat. At the meeting he arrived extremely tense with a grey pallor to his skin and steely cold eyes. He failed to greet me however he slowly calmed down during discussions and even cracked a few jokes. I was calm, friendly and supportive throughout allowing him the lead for the majority of the meeting (he is a gifted negotiator in his field). I then followed up with a request for notes of the meeting (he did not respond) and having drafted a rough he completed with a very cold covering email. Since then (3 weeks) no communications.

The upshot is I am not going to apologise for expressing a concern about his unreasonable, sexually aggressive behaviour towards me which was potentially compromising my job and my marriage. I am appalled by his emotional, childish behaviour which seems to centre around him however I have to continue working with this person as the project is well advanced and complex for another to pick up although I do generally deal with his junior. I am also unclear as to why HE is upset. I presume wounded pride, hurt etc. I have realised that for a very masculine, tall, ex semi professional sportsman he is extremely sensitive underneath it all. He is also very manipulative and secretive.

I have not directly criticised him, just the behaviour and the risk for me. I think this is also to do with his loss of control of a situation and my continued ability to maintain control.

I would prefer in the long term not to have this seething 45 year old male to deal with (another project is in the offing which he will be employed on) without a bit more understanding of what the best form of action even if it is just to ignore. I also do not want to take this on formally as it is not sufficiently serious and would I would rather not escalate the situation with a lawyer. Any observations/advice?